in another universe
Mar. 19th, 2024 11:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deferlantei know a bunch of people who went to med school (after all, having studied biomed and pharmacy, in the first place in the goal of transiting to med school myself)
and today was one of those days, where they learn which specialty they got into and all that. one of my dearest pharmacy friends, who i lost sight of during covid + her moving to another city to study, got into radio-oncology. im sincerely happy for her.
a bunch got into family medicine. one in urology. one in neurology. its fine, it happens every year.
what i didnt expect to get me was this girl i kinda know, who got into general surgery.
i made my peace with not applying to med school, i really did. i cant keep calling it a dream cause i called it quits before even trying (and like, not to brag or anything but i think i had decent chances of making it in. maybe im delulu but it was a choice for me to not apply)
and i thought i made peace with the fact that i'll never be a surgeon, my dream career and main goal for so long
(i took up embroidery when i was 16 because of it - wanted to develop my dexterity, get used to working with needles and thread, to make pretty scars that'll fade nicely)
i really thought i did, but seeing that kinda crushed me. other people get to be surgeons, and i'll never be one. and it sucks ass so fucking much. yeah, im a bitter bitch. i should be happy for her. she worked hard to get there, i know it.
like yeah, i know its not that easy, to become one. theres no guarantee that i'd ever have become one, after all getting into med school is already hard as it is, and you gotta compete with so many people because its such a competitive specialty. and sadly, if youre a woman, its even harder. but back when i had those aspirations, i genuinely believed i could do it. rare instances of me showing an ounce of self esteem.
so yeah. it sucks ass. very much so.
i like to think that in a parallel universe, i studied sciences & arts in cegep, got into med school right after that, and got to be a surgeon. it brings me some kind of internal peace i think.
i cant believe im crying over this. i hope parallel universe rocky is enjoying it at least. despite the brutal hours and work conditions, im sure sometimes they have their moment where wish they had done something else instead (and maybe they too also think of yet another parallel universe rocky who got to be an aerospace engineer)
its maybe a little silly and childish, with a heavy dose of copium, but sometimes i cant help but just live off copium.
and today was one of those days, where they learn which specialty they got into and all that. one of my dearest pharmacy friends, who i lost sight of during covid + her moving to another city to study, got into radio-oncology. im sincerely happy for her.
a bunch got into family medicine. one in urology. one in neurology. its fine, it happens every year.
what i didnt expect to get me was this girl i kinda know, who got into general surgery.
i made my peace with not applying to med school, i really did. i cant keep calling it a dream cause i called it quits before even trying (and like, not to brag or anything but i think i had decent chances of making it in. maybe im delulu but it was a choice for me to not apply)
and i thought i made peace with the fact that i'll never be a surgeon, my dream career and main goal for so long
(i took up embroidery when i was 16 because of it - wanted to develop my dexterity, get used to working with needles and thread, to make pretty scars that'll fade nicely)
i really thought i did, but seeing that kinda crushed me. other people get to be surgeons, and i'll never be one. and it sucks ass so fucking much. yeah, im a bitter bitch. i should be happy for her. she worked hard to get there, i know it.
like yeah, i know its not that easy, to become one. theres no guarantee that i'd ever have become one, after all getting into med school is already hard as it is, and you gotta compete with so many people because its such a competitive specialty. and sadly, if youre a woman, its even harder. but back when i had those aspirations, i genuinely believed i could do it. rare instances of me showing an ounce of self esteem.
so yeah. it sucks ass. very much so.
i like to think that in a parallel universe, i studied sciences & arts in cegep, got into med school right after that, and got to be a surgeon. it brings me some kind of internal peace i think.
i cant believe im crying over this. i hope parallel universe rocky is enjoying it at least. despite the brutal hours and work conditions, im sure sometimes they have their moment where wish they had done something else instead (and maybe they too also think of yet another parallel universe rocky who got to be an aerospace engineer)
its maybe a little silly and childish, with a heavy dose of copium, but sometimes i cant help but just live off copium.
