thinking of old friends
Feb. 23rd, 2024 10:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deferlanteThere's this group of online friends that used to mean everything to me. I've met one of them irl, the others I was planning on going to visit in France one day.
However that group fell apart, at some point. Or maybe not fell apart, but there was a crack. One member turned out to be a huge asshole, and the other ones ended up all becoming roommates, which is certainly A Situation. And I was just there, on the other side of the fucking ocean, left ashore.
I'm twitter mutuals with these people still. One of them even followed me on my new priv, and interacts every once in a while. We didn't have a dirty fallout, the groupchat just stopped being necessary when they all moved in together. And I didnt have it in me to keep poking at it. So it slowly crumbled away. Story old as time for me, since I'm so fucking good at losing friendships.
But recently, I've been thinking -- maybe I want to try to talk to them again. I'm still mutuals with all on them in instagram. I like their stories and their posts. I'm just a fucking coward. Wish I would just slide dms once in a while.
It's been years, yes. And I'm scared. But I feel like I would hate myself even more if I didnt at least try reaching out again. Idk. I'm bad at friendships.
I still have a drawing (an original painting !!) a friend made of our ocs. Books another sent me. The Soviet era stamps from yet another. All so very precious to me.
I miss them, I guess. They were the friends who saw me draw again (and encouraged me). Friends I felt comfortable sharing about my life. Friends I wrote and laughed with. Friends I promised I'd go visit one day (and I hate to not keep a promise).
So we will see, if I build up the courage. I hope I can.
(if by some insane coincidence and twist of fate of the universe one of you old friends reads this and recognizes yourself, id love to talk again. please say hi)
However that group fell apart, at some point. Or maybe not fell apart, but there was a crack. One member turned out to be a huge asshole, and the other ones ended up all becoming roommates, which is certainly A Situation. And I was just there, on the other side of the fucking ocean, left ashore.
I'm twitter mutuals with these people still. One of them even followed me on my new priv, and interacts every once in a while. We didn't have a dirty fallout, the groupchat just stopped being necessary when they all moved in together. And I didnt have it in me to keep poking at it. So it slowly crumbled away. Story old as time for me, since I'm so fucking good at losing friendships.
But recently, I've been thinking -- maybe I want to try to talk to them again. I'm still mutuals with all on them in instagram. I like their stories and their posts. I'm just a fucking coward. Wish I would just slide dms once in a while.
It's been years, yes. And I'm scared. But I feel like I would hate myself even more if I didnt at least try reaching out again. Idk. I'm bad at friendships.
I still have a drawing (an original painting !!) a friend made of our ocs. Books another sent me. The Soviet era stamps from yet another. All so very precious to me.
I miss them, I guess. They were the friends who saw me draw again (and encouraged me). Friends I felt comfortable sharing about my life. Friends I wrote and laughed with. Friends I promised I'd go visit one day (and I hate to not keep a promise).
So we will see, if I build up the courage. I hope I can.
(if by some insane coincidence and twist of fate of the universe one of you old friends reads this and recognizes yourself, id love to talk again. please say hi)
